Toughest moments - Part 1

I define a tough moment as a situation which calls for me to decide and that decision will have a significant affect in the life of others, a life and death situation or simply a life changing situation

In my life, so far, I have two such moments which qualify as a tough moment. Let me tell you about one, the one which I consider the toughest

It was a Saturday, September 22, 2007. I just came from the lodge's fund raising and I decided to pass by the hospital where my dad was confined for the third time that year. I found my dad finding it difficult to breathe, as if he was try to catch his breathe with great difficulty. With my dad was mom.

At that time, my dad was refusing to follow orders, that is to take in oxygen, he reasoned that that's the reason why he's having difficulty. He was ok before they asked him to do that. I pleaded with my dad to follow doctors' orders and he did.

Right before my eyes, my father transitioned from someone you can communicate with to someone who appears like to be high on drugs. I called the resident doctors and they informed us that we need to move my dad to the intensive care unit (ICU). My mother can't seem to decide so I called my sister (our eldest) and we agreed that we will move my dad to the ICU.

It was around midnight, I cancelled all my activities for the following day. Following day was also the knockout game between UST and Ateneo. Me and my nephew was supposed to watch and we already have tickets

Around 3am, Sunday, we were called by the ICU and asked that I go there immediately. I did. I knocked on the door and when it opened, I saw a scene similar to what you see in the TV series "ER". There were about a dozen doctors and nurses around my dad and one doctor was reviving my dad, apparently his heart has stopped beating. One younger resident doctor asked me to come in and wanted to talk to me, I said no, let's talk outside the room. I can't be in that room

She told me that they are trying to revive my dad for about 5 minutes now. She told me that they will try for 30 minutes as per procedure but even if they are successful, my dad would already be in a state of comatose. She asked me if they should proceed. My initial reaction was " are you putting my father's life in my hands?!" I can't make that decision, I needed my mother and siblings to be with me. I just told the doctor, "do what you have to do, and follow procedure". What is important at that time is that my father lives, we will worry about other things later. After about 25 minutes, they told me that I should call my mom

It was a difficult walk going back to the room my mother was resting. I was worried how she would react, we are about to lose his husband of 40+ years. It turned out that she was a very strong woman. We walked back to the ICU and spent sometime with my dad, together with her sister and her sister's husband.

She then told me to call my sister, i have to be the bringer of bad news again.

After that I have to call my brother in Indonesia to tell him

As if that is not enough, my mother asked me to inform our relatives as well


That occasion was not a tough moment, it's a series of tough moments where I have to tell people over and over again that my father is gone.