Single and happy

I have this friend (in tagalog, meron akong friend, sound family?), he likes this lady, I think my friend is in love with her (he's just denying it for reasons I don't know). She's nice and pretty. It will take forever to talk about the many wonderful things about her

They only hanged out together only a number of times, in activities she really enjoys (he enjoys it too, not only because she's there), they've never gone out on a date, every time he asks her she declines.

When he had the chance to tell her that he likes her, she told him "I'm happy being single, I've been like this for years now, maybe I'm waiting for the right person". She further added "i hope this will not change anything and we'll still be friends.. you'll never know right?"

My friend of course who is "close" to being in love, analyzed everything. He arrived at a conclusion that, "hey! I do have a chance right?". I said "wait?" let's analyze things further

She is happy being single. I've always thought that to complete us, we need someone to complement us. A lot of struggle to find the right person to be in a relationship with to be happy and here you have someone happy being single. How many of us can say "I'm happy"?

In relation to what I stated above, if she's happy being single, how can you convince her that she will be happier in a relationship (with you my friend)? I think that will be difficult

Also, a Brod told me, if a girl likes you, then she would have changed her mind about the whole thing right?

And so my dear friend, you're the one who said that more or less you know where you stand, just don't burn your bridges and be a friend. Remember, it was her who said "you'll never know"

The Shrink

I just had 2 1 hour "counseling sessions". Me being the counselor. I talked to them about their problems, one about her relationship and the other also somewhat related to a past relationship, but a bit more complicated. From time to time, I would find myself in these sessions. Mostly with my former and current office mates/staff, my friends and even exs. They would come to me for advice on matters of the heart, their careers among other things, about life.

It is very flattering for me, I mean, why would they want to consult me on such matters that could influence if not change their lives entirely. I still wonder why but maybe because...

... I've been in and out of relationships that they know I can talk based on experience
... they needed someone to tell them what they don't want to hear but needed to hear
... i was a good example (i hope)
... they look up to me, me being their boss
... i sound profound (shet!)
... they needed an outlet and I'm a good listener
... they value my opinion
... they trust me
... I'm their friend
... they know i care (i wouldn't do these things for people i don't give a shit)


I just hope that by talking to me, I was able to help them and inspired them to do the right things. I don't want to lead them into something that would be detrimental to them

I even, somewhat, have my rules of engagements for these sessions:

1. Listen
2. I will always, as much as possible, talk base on my own experience
3. Listen
4. Treat them like adults
5. Listen
6. I will not tell them what to do, but I will let them know what I would have done in a similar situation. But at the end of the day, it will be their call
7. Listen
8. "Ask questions"
9. Listen
10. I'll be honest (brutally frank if needed)
11. Listen
12. Be the devil's advocate

It is flattering being a shrink, but the responsibilities are enormous. I just hope that I do a good job

ps - i got the term "shrink" from a "friend", a shrink used to refer to a psychiatrist, but over the years, its meaning has broadened and now it can be used with respect to just about any professional who does counseling or psychotherapy

"Follow me!"

The man in the picture is Richard Winters. He was the commanding officer of Easy Company 506th Regiment of the 101st Airborne Division (paratroopers). The 101st was one of the first men who jumped in France for the D-day invasion. Needless to say, they suffered a lot of casualties on that day

Richard Winters was one of the characters were the HBO mini-series "Band of Brothers" were based. It told of their story from training up until the end of the war.

In one of it's episodes (episode 2 i think), it was during D-day and Easy Company (more like what's left of it) was assulting a german position, they were outnumbered and out positioned. In one instance, then Lt. Winters gave the order... "Follow me!" and then they proceeded to attack the german position with Lt Winters leading

I've always wondered how military leaders are able to do that, I mean giving orders to men which could lead to their deaths, of course we have to consider that soldiers were conditioned to follow orders without question, but still ... am sure soldiers follow because they trust their officers and they believe in them. I guess Lt Winters is my kind of a leader, somone I would like to imitate.

I hope that I will become that kind of a leader wherein I can say "Follow me" and my team will follow without question, not because they fear me, or because it will affect their performance appraisal but because they believe in me and trust me and they are inspired by me.

"Single Blessedness"

Since it's Valentine's Day today (yeeeeesss), let's talk about something related to relationships.

Single blessedness, I first heard the term when I was in grade 4 (2 decades ago :-) ) from my Religion teacher. According to her, term refers to priest, nuns, monks or even people who are "destined" to be singles for life (old maids, single parents etc). She added, that not everyone is destined to be with someone (married or with a partner), there are people who by their choice (or not) will be single for the rest of their lives.

Now, I was raised thinking that I will be like my parents, you know, find a partner, raise kids,send them to school, provide the needs of the family and all that. I consider that normal. So to me "single blessedness" is somewhat... "nah, that's not for me"

From that day I heard that term up until today (about 2 decades later hehehe), I've been in and out of relationships, I've been dumped and dumped as well and a failed marriage, I find myself "single". I've had relationships with "wife material" ladies but in the end we still broke up. Now I dread the idea of me growing old alone, I want to be with someone.

Then just this new year's eve, it strucked me, maybe I will live a life of "single blessedness", why you may ask....

1. I was baby sitting my daughter that time (she spent the holidays with me), she was out playing with her cousins and I was watching her, I thought, I should be inside watching tv or resting... I'm not ready (or willing) to take on the responsibilities of a parent?
2. then after that I thought, I want to be in a relationship for the wrong reasons! I just want someone to take care of when I grow old!
3. then I also thought that, the relationships I had, I loved in a wrong way, selfish at times. I was told once that I loved the wrong people, but hey maybe the problem is with me?

only then did I begin to realize that maybe i was meant to be single... for life

ADDENDUM --> Rules of Engagement

Told you my first post will have a lot of revisions :-) But rather than revising the original post, I will just write addendums.

In addition to my previous rules of engagement;

1. I will only speak for myself when writing my blogs
2. I will write about anything and everything
3. I will be more critical of myself than others

What is Freemasonry?

Just what is Freemasonry? It could mean a lot of things, it could mean differently to the individual brother. Masonry to the skeptics is a secret society (it’s not, period!). To a brother it could be a fraternity, to it’s beneficiaries, it’s all about charity, a technical definition could be, Masonry is a progressive moral science. But I guess for something as big and as deep as Freemasonry, defining it would be a very difficult tasks, it’s all that and more (except the secret society part J )

But my favorite definition of Freemasonry is shown in the picture. I took this picture during our multi-district convention last November 17, 2007. It talks about Freemasonry as “a way of life”

From now on, if someone will ask me what is Freemasonry is I will show them this picture. This is my definition of Freemasonry, this is what my fraternity is all about, and this is what I’m trying to live by

Why I wanted to become a Mason?

Or more like, what inspired me to become one. I guess it all started about 5 years ago, I was curious, I got curious about the emblems that I see on cars (later on I learned that you call them decal). I did some research and learned more about the group. I read of good things and bad things about Freemasonry.

I guess that, in some ways, I was fascinated. So I continue my readings/research about Masonry. Then I read about masonry “making good men better”. Then I thought, how? Then there was this page on famous Filipino Masons, there were heroes, presidents, artist, patriots etc. I later found out that there was even a book titled “10000 famous Masons”, you have there presidents, scientists, soldiers, inventors, businessmen, philanthropists, you name it, we have it, men who have contributed much to society. Then I thought again, “making good men better” and these men. Where they already enjoying these stature when they become Masons? Or masonry helped them to become the kind of men as society knows them? Believe me, more often than not, it’s the latter rather than the former.

I am Mason because I want to be a better man and I chose Freemasonry as my medium

The best part of traveling

Are you are traveler?

What's the best part of traveling? I'm sure it would be different for everyone who has ever traveled. It could be the sights that you get to see, you know? those places you only get to see in TV channels like nat geo and travel channel. Learning a new language is also great, we Filipinos are bilingual but you get a chance to be multi lingual. The food of course! who can forget about the food, it maybe a bit a of "fear factor" for others but eating sushi or yakisoba in Japan cannot be duplicated in Japanese restaurants in other countries. When you travel you get learn and experience a new culture, get to meet different people. You get a view of the world outside your own.

Those are the good stuff: certainly long travel time confusing your body clock does not qualify as the best part of traveling. Or traveling coach where you have more leg room in the toilet than your seat and of course not the airline food that they serve.

So what is the best part of traveling? For me, it's the part when you get to come home :-). In a few hours I will be boarding the first of two planes to get home, it's 11:30PM now Manila time and I wont get there until about 11PM Manila time, I will have to go through airport security, haul my luggage, sit on coach, eat airline food and all that shit but hey! it doesnt matter. I'm coming home

Coming home to people who missed me (and of course they are waiting for the presents I bought them hahaha), getting to eat the food i missed, spending time with my friends, seeing my daughter, driving my car, sleep on my bed, hugging my mom and my love ones. All that and more

Others are just bonuses, the best part of traveling, is the part when I get to go home.

On failure...

So many people have written about the subject, but I want to take my shot on it

Failure is something I’ve learned to live with, not because I’m a loser, but because I’ve come to accept it as a part of life. It is something that we all must accept and “use”

Why?!

Let me use an analogy, my favorite topic, basketball J the UAAP men’s basketball, and of course the team closes to my heart, the Growling Tigers. The UAAP will be on its 71st season this 2008, UST is one of the teams with the most number of Men’s basketball crown, 19. UST is also one of the founding members of league. So that means 19 out of the 70 seasons my team were champions. That’s a 27.14% success rate (if our criteria of success is winning the championship) which I think should be. Meaning 72% of the time they failed. That’s using averages

Let’s use probabilities this time, same example, UST Men’s basketball team in the UAAP. Let’s assume on thing, that all of the 8 teams competing are of equal strength, talent etc, meaning everyone is capable of winning the crown. If that is the case, that means everyone’s chances is 1 out of 8 or 0.125 probability (12.5%). That’s one winner out of the 8, one will go home happy the others crying

I guess my point is, we will fail more that we succeed, live with it. But, we should learn from it and grow. Failures will only make our successes SWEETER and we can say that its all worth the shit.

when i don't know what to do... i know what to do

catchy (confusing) title? hehehe... often we hear people say " i don't know what to do anymore!" i guess in situations like that we all know what to do.. it's just common sense.. when you don't know what to do then there's only one thing left to do... and that is "ask"

Room full of Egos of all shapes and sizes

Take a look at this picture, that's a room full of egos of all shapes and sizes.

Rewind a bit - Fourth Quarter of last year I was offered a job which is "global" (shet) and would mean that I should vacate my current position so I can work full time in this new job. A short job description will be, i will be part of a global team who will implement lean in our contact centers to find ways to save money

Fast forward a bit. I found myself in Costa Rica working with a team composed of consultants and collegues from different sites. Now, we will have meetings where

1. everyone will always have something to say
2. everyone will always have something to say why things cant get done
3. everyone will always have something to say how to solve the problem of others but has nothing to offer when it comes to solving their own
4. as if everyone is getting paid by the number of words they say
5. everyone will always have something to say but didn't listen enough
6. everyone doesn't know when to switch hats, I mean there are times that you are a leader and there are times when you have to be a follower
7. everyone's ego gets in the way
8. Analogy - if i will use a call center as an analogy, you have a lot of people here with extremely high talk time, no hold time, no after call work but very low resolution rate
9. Another analogy - if i were to compare this team to a basketball team, this team is a team of Michael Jordans, all are superstars by their own right. But Michael Jordan would not have won 6 NBA titles with Scottie Pippen, Dennis Rodman, Luc Longley, Steve Kerr, Bill Carthwright, John Paxson and more importantly you need Phil Jackson

Thats it, I'm just ranting. All this frustrations could also be due to me stepping out of my comfort zone, or because this is something new to me and all the things I use to do, maybe all that and more

The more i think about, am not being a good example,i think that i too have an ego bigger than me...

why? rules of engagement

why? this is about why i suddenly started writing blogs. I guess it's only prudent that I explain to the readers (if there are any), why i chose the title of the blogs, the rules of engagement in writing the blogs

on with the first question, a peer, who writes blogs actually encouraged me to start this, she told me that it's good to have a "record" of what happened in the past which could bring fond memories. i also thought that hey, when my kid(s) is/are old enough to read, they could actually learn more about there dad, his thoughts, his insights, the way he thinks, what kind of a man he is etc

the title? analysis by paralysis? nothing really, i just thought that it's cute hehehe (or jejejeje) if you're spanish speaking.. seriously, i first heard about that expression from my former boss who i consider to be my mentor, sometimes (or most of the times) i tend to do that, over analyze things


rules of engagement; this will be my , how should i say, guidance in writing my blogs

1. No regrets. I want to live a life without regrets (i think i'll write a separate one on this)
2. You will read much about my family, how i was raised, my school, my fraternity and all other things that shaped me
3. i won't be particular with punctuations and capitalizaiton :-) but i will do my darn best to write gramatically correct english, and oh I will try to write with cohesion as well
4. i will try to write at least one blog a week average or 52 per year (so if i write one a day for seven days thats good for 7 weeks)
5. this blog will be a venue for me to rave and rant
6. Questions: I think most people always try to come up with answers, but I believe that it is very important we should learn to ask the right questions, so in these blogs you will see (read) a lot of questions. I love asking questions
7. Very minimal when it comes to specifics like names, places, dates

these "rules of engagement" will be a living document (or blog) and excuse me if there will be a lot of revisions